Sooner or later we would have to cover this topic
I was raised with two brothers and as the only granddaughter on both sides of my family. Poop, rear-ends, and farts are often the topic of discussion. You just read my beginning headliner/disclaimer; I will have you sign and date this later for my records.
We have a wicked neighbor, let’s call him Claude, ok that is his real name, and he hates our dog. I will be the first to admit that yes, Gucci Pucci has baked a loaf or two, or twelve in his yard. We live on a mountain, without fences, and only scrub oak separates the property line. I don’t know why Gucci likes to relieve herself in his backyard but she does. We do get mad at her, and when we see her squatting over there we remove her poop. But there are other dogs in the neighborhood, BIG dogs, yet Claude likes to give our Gucci all the blame. Gucci is a 3 lb Yorkshire terrier, and not capable of carving Lincoln logs the size of footballs. But Claude doesn’t recognize that.
While Claude was mowing his lawn he stepped in some of the poops. This enraged him, and set him on a poo-flinging quest. We have a large back patio on the upper level of our home. He threw a dozen or so monster-sized turds up on our patio, I guess to prove a point. The only point he proved is how absolutely stupid he is. Those poops had to weigh at least twice Gucci’s body weight.
Disclaimer two: Even I have been amazed at the size of some of Gucci’s poop, and I will admit they are larger than one may expect. It is odd how a little pup can squeeze one out the size of her own leg. Can you imagine? Just think if we could do that?
Anyway, the point here is Claude threw poops the size of baseball bats up on our patio, and he even delicately laid a few on our front door step. Game on Claude, game on. And if you don’t think I am capable of sending my husband over there to crap on your lawn, just remember I have a whole family of brothers, uncles, and cousins that will gladly drop their drawers and give your lawn the protein it deserves.
5 Responses to “Sooner or later we would have to cover this topic”
April 22nd, 2007 at 8:17 pm
I SWEAR>>> I AM DYING LAUGHING RIGHT NOW
April 26th, 2007 at 9:52 am
I haven’t laughed that hard in ages!! Thanks for the giggles!! I think I wet my panties!! I so need this blog in my life!! You are an inspiration to us all dear Steph!!
I LOVE YOU SO!
May 8th, 2007 at 5:34 pm
hahaha … love it! When your hubby and extended family crap on Claude’s lawn - let us know!
April 22nd, 2008 at 2:08 pm
[...] a look at Claude’s lawn, boy, it’s surely [...]
August 8th, 2008 at 11:53 am
[...] has been fairly uneventful around here as far as Claude and his poop flinging goes. There haven’t been any mysterious notes hanging on trees or fences either. Â The reason [...]
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